I don't know about the majority of the world, but I talk to myself. I talk to myself about trivial things(tv, food, and school)... and soul crushing things. See I do this for two undefined reasons; either, no one would listen to me and understand they would think I am weird for just talking to them how I do, or because of that previous reason I talk to myself and the "powers that be" and wonder if they are listening to me how I try to listen to them. Often times when I talk to myself, I talk about issues that I already know the answers too, such as my friend never talking to me, and I would answer with, ' they may think that we are still friends, but when they speak to me next I hope my cold exterior will be enough to get the message across' The reason for this is because I have just given up on all relationships in general, as well as the ones that I could have kept if both parties wanted to stay in contact. I personally feel like if someone wants to be your friend that they should have a conversation with you every now and then, and you know what, I have someone like that now, they talk to me and I talk to them and it's nice. (and I enjoy it and I don't enjoy stuff often) When it comes to talking to myself... well, sometimes I say I am speaking to the stars, and within my rants, I wonder if they listen, I find that I ask for lots of impossible things, such as a sign from the sky that it's listening to me speak. I have asked for this many times, when it comes to making a decision, deciding on friends, which way I should go on walks sometimes too. Oddly enough I have gained answers to some of these, one night, with the help of people who care about me, I decided that I was going to give a friend of mine one month to message me and if they didn't I wasn't going to be friends with that person anymore(I didn't tell anyone this) and freakishly enough said person called me at midnight that night. It was a powerful thing, and it means a lot to me, I don't think its a coincidence, as, "The universe is rarely that lazy"(-Sherlock Holmes(from SHERLOCK)(Bennidict Cumberbatch)) and I do personally believe that. Nevertheless, that is the same person who has neglected to message me for longer than I care to keep track of, so they are balancing with bare feet on a very sharp harpsichord wire held up by that one sign. So something very similar to that happened to me when I was speaking to the stars this weekend... something so powerful I couldn't take my eyes off it till it was out of my view, I almost fell while stumbling to get up and knock on the door to show my mother still LOOKING AT IT... It is not something that I will share in much detail as I feel like it's a personal hope that will keep me aloft when I think I have no voice in the world, because I do have a voice, but a voice only few can hear I suppose, and that's okay. Till they find me I will preach in my silent way, I will speak and some force unknown to me will listen. Well I guess that force is known to me now, but I don't know what it is still. If you have ever had that feeling that you are tied to something bigger in the world, and its that light heart ache feeling, like a tug, one that could be mistaken as the ache when thinking of a lost love or break up... It's not that... It's not something so simple as heart ache for a lost lover, don't sell your feelings short. That tug, its tugging because what, who, or whomever is tugging back, wondering at that feeling too, wondering if they are part of something. I have that feeling as I type it out talking about it. It's just a feeling, but a damn convincing one. (Also a completely unnecessary Sherlock meme because I was looking for quotes and I couldn't find shit)
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SaltI encounter dumb things so Ill try to put them up here for yo pleasure. Archives
February 2018
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